Learning to walk again

I took the dog for a walk on my own yesterday. This was the first time I've walked the dog for three months and even though it was painful and I limped using a stick. I really enjoyed it. There were bluebells everywhere, it was dry and I could see for miles. Having hardly been outside recently, it was wonderful!

However, it brought home how much work I have to do. While improving, it's going to be a while before I can walk properly again. In some ways, I needs to learn how to walk properly. I've spent so long limping I start doing that automatically then have to check myself to try and use as normal a gait as possible. It's not easy and ten minutes later I'm limping anyway, but at least it's progress.

I think I need to approach vocation in the same way. The last week or so hasn't been a setback, more a chance step back and reflect. I had become so focussed on stipendiary ministry and needing to start as soon as possible in order to give as much time to that ministy as possible, that I think I may lost focus on calling.

When I first blurted out (with no thought or planning) that I felt I needed to be ordained (18 months ago to the associate priest in our church), there was no plan or path, just a loud call. That hasn't gone, if anything that feeling is stronger than ever.

I'm not certain if this calling has been heard correctly (by me or by others) and there is much prayer, talking and reflection to be done yet. May be I need to re-learn how to walk along the path of vocation to make sure I'm placing each step focussed on God and not on my own earthly desires.

So I'm not sure where this is going and I'm sure that we're not at the end of the road yet. I do know though that I have commited my life to God, I am his. It is in his hands.

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