Why I stopped studying Theology to get closer to God

The first point to make, is that I'm hoping it will be more of a pause than a complete stop. After all, in some ways, if we reflect on our lives prayerfully with scripture to guide us, then that can be defined a theology in action. I also hope to return to the theology course when the time is right.

In real terms though, last Thursday, I decided to stop attending the WEMTC (West of England Ministry Training Course) which I had been going to since September 2012. I had been attending as an independent student (so haven't been recommended for training to ministry) but they allow independents to study part-time alongside Readers and Priests in training to experience academia and help explore vocation (it's a part-time course). Full time students, usually younger or potential full-time ordinands would go to a theological college.

Initially, the DDO had suggested I tried a term, which I enjoyed and it grew in four terms. As I started the fifth however, I realised a number of things were going to make me reconsider continuing.

They are switching to a new examining body, which means I'll probably need to re-write all the work I've done and combined with 'officially' starting in September 2015, there was potential that this could have been the case with all work done until 'reccomended for training.' As the earliest I could go to a selection panel would be the end of year, more likely next spring, it's possible I could have done three years independent study then another three as 'official' training. That's six years, combined with working full-time, gaining experience and doing placements. That's a lot of study!

It has also slowly dawned on me that I was splitting myself in half, studying and exploring vocation. I realised that if I didn't focus on vocation, I risked not getting to a formal ministry in the first place. My son is also taking GCSE's this summer I need to support him.

I spoke to the course director, who was very supportive and agreed with my thinking, saying that it was the right thing to do. So that was it.

With the extra time and thinking power, it's my intention to:
  • Follow the daily office twice, not just once a day.
  • To spend more time in prayer.
  • To read more about ministry, the Holy Spirit and the Sacraments.
  • To go on retreat
  • To complete selection papers, initially the detailed version of questions in the Criteria for Selection.
I also rejoined a book group and with some irony, the first book was Finding Sanctuary by Christopher Jamison. Some monastic steps are probably what I need most of all...

Comments

  1. Anonymous17 February 2014 at 17:56

    Thank you for following my blog, Andrew, at Walking With My Brother.

    Your genuine desire to share God's love and to discern the nature of His call is very evident in your writing. I know I'll enjoy walking together with you and sharing a bit of your journey.

    I'll include you in my prayers. God is so good. He will lead, if we are committed to following.

    Blessings on your day,

    Mary Adrienne

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lessons in humility

Christians are called to be humble, it’s part of what bring us closer to being Christ like or ‘in Christ’. In our modern world though this can be very difficult. We are encouraged by society to be bold, seize the day and be confident. The focus on ‘self,’ being proud and materialistic are what society expects of us. We can aspire towards humility and many Christians do through prayer, bible study, Christian fellowship and worship. I had started to read into recent events some signs that I needed more humility (I’m sure that much is true). I had agreed to lead a lent group and even though I denied it to myself, felt some pride at being asked (also some guilt for feeling pride). Then the group was cancelled due to a lack of takers, which was humbling. Another group I tried to join as a member was also cancelled due to low numbers, so I didn’t join a Lent group this year for the first time in several years which was disappointing (to me at least). I have also recently injured my knee wh
Read more

Yesterday, I turned a corner...

Image
The last few months have seen some of the biggest roller coaster lurches in all of my vocational journey, and I haven't said anything here, because I haven't really known what to to say, even though I wanted to share, especially as people have prayed for me in the past, which has always meant a huge amount to me. So what has happened? Back in October, I met two Diocesan Assessors, one lay and one ordained. It then took about a month to receive feedback (for entirely understandable reasons), which effectively said that while I had a clear vocation to ordained ministry, it was felt that I lacked the necessary leadership skills and especially confidence, which I would need to do well at a panel. Now, it's honesty time, my confidence had taken quite a battering over the previous six months, the drawn out vocation process and continued levels of required introspection had started to take their toll, combined with a work situation which had meant my confidence in my role and
Read more

The one where I own up to introspection...

Part of the reason I don't blog very often is that it can sometimes seem rather introspective (such is the nature of exploring vocation), some details can be personal and private, then if I'm being careful not to mention too many names and places, there can then be little left to say. However, things do move on. This vocation journey is more like a container ship than a speed boat, or perhaps a long distance backpacker than a 5k runner. It's a steady, onwards exploration. I'm seeing, experiencing and learning a lot on the way and no matter what happens, my faith, will be much deeper than I would have imagined a few years ago. This journey also needs much prayer and so the odd update may be helpful to people who have said they'll pray for me. So here we go... It's taken some time to realise God's timing isn't the same as mine. As I have explored vocation to ministry, tested some avenues, tried a few cul-de-sacs then found a path which seems more lev
Read more